Tuesday, February 14, 2006

MSM, out-scooped and grumpy. Comedians, ecstatic!

I remember when the news of Cheney's hunting accident appeared on CNN's headline news...

Cheney shoots lawyer in hunting accident...

First thought crossing my mind? Boy, the WH is most definitely serious about reining in those trial lawyers! LOL

Next thought was the perfect gift for the Veep... a desktop engraving with "The birdshot stops here!"

Instead of appreciating the fodder for humour this unfortunate event (thank heavens, not fatal) lays available, the MSM is extremely disgruntled that the locals got "da shit", and not the WH Press Corp. Woof....

Alas, a scandal the city slickers in the White House press room, who know everything, can't understand. Dick Cheney peppers a man with birdshot on a quail hunt in Texas.

Guns, bad. Quail hunting, bad. So far, so good. There must be a capital crime in here somewhere. snip

For many of the White House reporters, accustomed to getting their snippets of news out of a government spoon, having to learn about the incident from the local newspaper was the insult beyond injury. The posting of the transcript of the "gaggle," the mid-morning torturing of Scott McClellan, the president's press agent, offers the full flavor of Men at Work around his desk:

David Gregory of NBC News: "The vice president shoots a man, and he feels that it's appropriate for a ranch owner who witnessed this to tell a local Corpus Christi newspaper, not the White House press corps at large, or notify the public in a national way?"

Though the actual shooting of Mr. Whittington was an accident, there is certainly a very, very serious crime here, and Mr. Gregory nails it. Telling the Corpus Christi Caller-Times the news first is capital crime writ large. Knowing how important press notabilities really are should be the first responsibility of any president's press secretary. Corpus Christi, small. Television swellhead, bigger

After a brief shouting match between the NBC correspondent and McClellen, the WH press spokesman had to remind Gregory that the story "was not about you", but about the shooting victim. LOL Then again, Gregory - obviously no fan of the Bush WH - is known for his menopausal-like outbursts in these events.

In the meantime, others with a better grip on life and it's forever entertaining twists and turns are wasting no time having some fun with the subject, firing linguistic arrows instead of birdshot.

First, who can resist
Lucianne Goldberg's acerbic twist on her blogsite!

Even close friends and peers of Cheney aren't letting the event pass without a comment or two. Jeb Bush had a little fun at the Florida State Fair Governor's Day Luncheon by placing an orange sticker - the hunting jacket's color - on his chest and quipping "I'm a little concerned that Dick Cheney is going to walk in".

Then, of course, there's Barry Saunders' tongue in cheek rendition, "Dummy Up, Scooter" in the News Observer today. Saunders, while no Cheney fan, takes MSM press paranoia to new, entertaining heights that will elicit a few belly laughs from even the most staunch of Conservatives.

If you believe it was just an accident that Vice President Dick Cheney shot his hunting companion last weekend, you obviously have never seen "The Godfather" movies.

Just as surely as a fish wrapped in a bulletproof vest means "Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes," that shotgun blast to Whittington's face was meant to convey that I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby had better bite his tongue and forget about testifying against Cheney, his former boss, in the Valerie Plame spy case.

What'll it be, Scooter: a case of amnesia or lead poisoning?


That revelation had many questioning how low this administration would go to quash dissent.

Now we know.

A vice president who'll shoot an ally to get across his message of omerta -- that's mobspeak for "hush up" -- may be considered a national disgrace by some.

Not by me. I embrace the prospect of a lead-slingin' veep. Think of the impact Cheney's shot heard 'round the world will have on America's diplomatic efforts. When obstinate countries declare their unwillingness to negotiate with Secretary of State Condi Rice, all we have to do is roll out Deadeye Dick.

Deadeye Dick... ROTFLMAO! Probably better than Deadpan Dick when describing his direct, no nonsense responses in interviews.

Gosh darn... there's no end to the yuks one could conjure.

Late night comedians jumped right on the band wagon without missing a beat!

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (NBC)

• "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.

• "That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."

• "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?'"

• "Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"

Perhaps NBC should encourage sharing in the media family, and allow Leno to lend some of his humour to David Gregory.

"Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," CBS:

• "He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right."

• "You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.' "

• "The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep."

"Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past."

On the more serious side, while the attorney was healing up, it appears one of the birdshot traveled to his heart, causing a minor heart attack. Per the doctors, "He will have a full life the Lord intended to have, and this shouldn't affect him one way or the other,".

Well, it may affect in him one aspect. Next time he's retrieving his prey, he'll be darned sure to alert the others to his whereabouts when returning to the group! But I'm sure the world wishes him a speedy recovery.

Or do they? Judging by the lynch mobs on this already, perhaps the Bush haters who would love nothing more than the man's demise just so they have the more plausible opportunity to demand Cheney's resignation while he's facing manslaughter charges.

Of course, even the "heart attack" tact has it's humour, as aptly demonstrated by Arianna Huffington's scathing and insinuating headline - "Cheney's shooting victim suffers "heart attack"... on her desperate attempt at a blog. Details and doctor's prognosis apparently rate no comments.

I swear... I'm not sure even the omnipotent Rove could scam up a scenerio that would drive the left as wild as this. Amazing how easily the hate-Bush crowd can open mouth and change feet! Such posturing and indigation! Funny... they never felt that way about Kennedy at Chappaquiddick.

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